please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
