No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
