u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
