Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
