I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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