My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
