I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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