Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
