There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
