he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
