It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
