Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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