you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
