FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
