I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
