and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He? As in you personified your dick?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
