In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
