someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
