Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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