god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
