If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
