So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Alive.
So much puke
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
