Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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