I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
