I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
