He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
