Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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