You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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