when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
