I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
