I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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