So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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