Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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