bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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