I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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