I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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