Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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