Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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