Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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