I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
