On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
