I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
