Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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