who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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