i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
