im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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