i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
