If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
