I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
