Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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