Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
