Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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