How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
