oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
